Sunday, May 9, 2010

Worried Loved Ones

My husband is very worried about me.  I guess he ought to be.  This depression is real and affecting my day to day life.  I am already seeing a counselor but maybe I should try medication again.  It's never worked before, but my chemistry has changed, maybe it would now.  What if it is just my hormonal birth control?  This is the only form I have found that works well for us... I don't know what to try next if it's the culprit. 

DH says I need to move back down to Texas when he deploys.  I don't know how I feel about that.  On the one hand he is right, I have no support here.  I have some new Army wife friends but no one I could call in the wee hours of the night when I get panicky, and not feel guilty for doing so.  I know they wouldn't mind and they would understand, but we don't know each other well enough for me to feel comfortable doing it.  Plus, it really wouldn't help to calm me down to call someone who isn't a close friend.

But on the other hand... my mom and I fight after about 2 weeks of being near each other and if I were to get an apartment down there it would be one that DH has never even set foot in.  We wouldn't have any memories there.  I'm not even sure we would want to move all our things down there.  The Army will pay for it, but then if they keep us here and don't PCS us {move us} when DH returns we will have to pay out of pocket to have our things sent back to Alaska. {Or pay for storage up here plus an apartment down there.}  I've thought about moving into a smaller apartment up here to save money but there is the comfort and memories issue again.  Will I feel more comfortable surrounded by familiar things to DH and I or will it bring me more grief seeing it day in and day out?  I honestly have no idea.  I'll be talking to my counselor about this on Thursday to see what he thinks.  He's been in the military for several years so I am sure he's heard both sides of this all too common wife dilemma.  What would you do?
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