What she did/said.
What I heard/learned.
What I have to say about it now.
She spent all her time at work.
My work matters more to me than you do.
If you were home more often maybe I wouldn't need attention from other people.
"Good girls don't make themselves available." and "Good girls don't wear that..."
You are a slut. You are sinful. You are bad.
Again, maybe if I had a mom at home to tell me about things I wouldn't need their attention and I wouldn't have been raped.
We NEVER talked about sex in my family.
Sex is sinful. Sex is secret. Sex is bad.Sex is not sinful; the Bible has a chapter devoted to it. Sex is good and amazing. Intimacy is important and healthy. If you had told me about sex maybe I wouldn't have had it. If you had at least told me that others shouldn't touch me then maybe I wouldn't have been raped. If I hadn't been raped then maybe I wouldn't have grown an unrealistic and warped view of sex and love. Maybe I would be able to enjoy sex with my husband and know what sexual intimacy is.
"You must not really be a Christian since you don't go to church."
You aren't a good Christian. You are a bad person.
The churches you took me to had kids who would do drugs on Saturday and then act like perfect angels on Sunday. Do you want me to be like that? Do you wan me to be a hypocrite? Just because I haven't found a church home that I feel comfortable in does not mean that I am any less spiritual than you.
"You need to learn how to cook." and "You should cook dinner for me."
You are a bad wife who won't cook for your husband because you refuse to cook for me.
Just because I do not cook for you does not mean I don't cook for my husband. I don't think you deserve to be cooked for.
"Your house is a mess." and "You really need to unpack some more boxes."
You are a bad housekeeper.You have to hire a maid to do your housekeeping. I just had a c-section 2 weeks ago, I should not be lifting boxes and unpacking heavy items. Aren't you up here visiting to help us since your grandson was born? Why aren't you unpacking any boxes?
"You would look better if you did this..." and "You sure have put on a lot of weight." and "You don't really need that dessert now do you?"
You are fat. You are ugly.I am losing weight and getting healthy while eating sweets. If it's in moderation it is fine. Perhaps you shouldn't eat ice cream every single night less than an hour from bed and you might lose some weight too.
She controls my stock accounts until I graduate college.
You can use money to control people.Controlling people is not good! People should do things out of love and not manipulation.
Now I start down the long path of re-learning life skills that I should have learned as a child. Thankfully I have my husband to show me the reasonable way. Together with my counselor, the three of us can remap my moral compass.