Sunday, July 18, 2010

Not Doing So Hot

Today was bad.  I don't want to go into too much detail because I don't air dirty laundry... but let's just say I am sick of having to keep it all together for everyone else.  Lately all I want to do is curl up in a ball and cry but I can't.  I have to be calm, carry on, stay strong so everyone else can keep going.  I give and give and help everyone around me but I don't get any help in return.  I run myself raged and don't get a break. 

These last few days I have been tired, shaking, dizzy and weak.  I have absolutely no idea why either.  My diet hasn't changed.  I'm not working out more than normal.  My blood pressure is actually perfect.  There is always that .01% chance that I got pregnant, but I really don't think that is the cause.  I am supposed to remove my ring this week anyways so I'll be able to rule that out in a couple days.  I just don't know.  I see the Dr for my surgery follow up on the 6th so I'll mention it... or go in sooner if it continues or gets worse.  Maybe I'm just at the end of my rope and I'm exhausted.  Either way, I can't begin antidepressants with me shaking like this.  They tend to make me antsy and panicky so I need to begin them when I am calm and collected.  Like that will be any time soon though... ARG!

Can someone come over and help me finish unpacking, put away the dishes that are clean but still in the sink and dryer, put away my mound of clean clothes (see a trend here?), and soothe a screaming baby while I just sit and breathe a little?  Then maybe could you take me out and we'll go shopping or something?  I am so lonely and stressed out up here in Alaska all alone.  I am literally cooped up in the house all day because DH needs the car for work.  I am going stir crazy!
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